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Situwasyon sa Bahay
Nanay: Anak, ibili mo nga ako ng sibuyas at miswa diyan sa tindahan.
Anak: (Nagkakamot habang nag-e-ML sa CP) Nanay, gabi na po natatakot po akong lumabas.
Nanay: (Naasar pero nagtimpi pa) Anak, huwag kang mag-alala, 'di ba lagi mo namang kasama ang guardian angel mo. Dalawa kayong bibili.
Anak: Naku Nanay! Iyong guardian angel ko na lang ang utusan mo. Idadamay mo pa ako e.
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Hugot
Tanong: Ano ang pagkakaiba ng red sa maroon?
Sagot: Kapag red ay pula. Kapag maroon ka ng iba ako'y mangangamba.
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A Filipino applies for a Job at Wal-Mart. An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified.
An American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino.
He decided to call the
four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" Acknowledging Dave, the American on his right, the man replied, " A THOUGHT". It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian. "Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very
popular cliche for speed."
He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. “Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.
Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the
interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring da 3 frevyos ansers sirrr, et's obyus to me dat de pusstest ting known is Diarrhea."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"O I can expleyn serrr ." said Eleuterio "YOU SEE SERR, De odder day I wasn't peeeling bery good and I run soooo pusst to de battrroom, BUT bepore I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON DE LIGHT, I alrrreddy had de sheets in my panhts. Aysos nako!" Tumae na pala...
Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart. (CTTO, taken from FB)
0-0-0An American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino.
He decided to call the
four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" Acknowledging Dave, the American on his right, the man replied, " A THOUGHT". It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian. "Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very
popular cliche for speed."
He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. “Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.
Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the
interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring da 3 frevyos ansers sirrr, et's obyus to me dat de pusstest ting known is Diarrhea."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"O I can expleyn serrr ." said Eleuterio "YOU SEE SERR, De odder day I wasn't peeeling bery good and I run soooo pusst to de battrroom, BUT bepore I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON DE LIGHT, I alrrreddy had de sheets in my panhts. Aysos nako!" Tumae na pala...
Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart. (CTTO, taken from FB)
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Scene: In an interview:
Interviewer: Are you a leader or are you a ruler?
Applicant: I am a leader, madam.
Interviewer: Why?
Applicant: A ruler must have 12 inches, I have only 8. So I am a leader.
Interviewer: You are hired!
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Bata1: May kulay pala ang utot.
Bata2: Talaga?
Bata1: Oo, ano ang kulay ng utot?
Bata2: Ano?
Bata1: Pink
Bata2: Bakit?
Bata1: (Isang mahaba at mahinang tunog) Ppppppiiiiinnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
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Bata1: May kulay pala ang utot.
Bata2: Talaga?
Bata1: Oo, ano ang kulay ng utot?
Bata2: Ano?
Bata1: Black.
Bata2: Bakit?
Bata1: (Biglang utot na malakas at may sumamang laman) BLACK!!!
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Bata1: May kulay pala ang utot.
Bata2: Talaga?
Bata1: Oo, ano ang kulay ng utot?
Bata2: Ano?
Bata1: Blue.
Bata2: Bakit?
Bata1: (Habang nasa swimming pool at napautot kasama ang mga bula) Blue.Blue.Blue.
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Answer: Coins
Reason: Coin purse (coin first)
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Anong gulay ang masakit sa puso? Ano?
Answer: Ampalaya-in ka
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Scene - Teachers and pupils will sing the Philippine National Anthem
Teacher: Oo mga bata, tayo na tayo at aawit na ng Lupang Hinirang. Medi - cine (Ready, sing).
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