Showing posts with label Tawanan Muna Tayo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tawanan Muna Tayo. Show all posts

Sunday, April 3, 2022

Tawa Muna Tayo

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Guys, 

These jokes are not mine, I just got them from friends and some details were from the internet.  Let us enjoy the day.  Nakuha ko pa eto during the Covid19 pandemic, nahalungkat ko lang mula sa baul.  Mga malulupit na tanong. Credits go to the Owner(s).

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I am Lito san.  I graduated with a Bacherlor of Sayang in Agree Culture Engine Erring.  Suma Kumbati.  Personal Belief: "My brain is divided into two parts: the right and the left.  On the right nothing is left.  On the left nothing is right."

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Teacher:  Good morning class.  Today I will discuss a lesson about Ethics 101.  But before that allow me to introduce myself.  I am Ms. Elena Pruke.  With an "R" ha. Miss Pruuke for short.

Students: Nagtawanan ng mahina.

Teacher:  Ok class.  Eyes on the board heto ang pag-aaralan natin sa buong semester. (Si titser itinuro ang syllabus at ilang details na nakasulat sa board.

Students:  Thank you Ms. Pruke.  (Medyo nagtatawanan pa rin.)

To cut the story short natapos na ang semester.  Another sem ulit.

Teacher: Ok class, Good morning. Nakakatuwa naman at kayo ulit ang mga students ko sa Ethics 102.  For your information Nakapag-asawa na ako ng foreigner kaya hindi na ninyo ako mapagtatawanan (may pagmamalaki).  

Teacher ulit: Ako na nga pala si Mrs. Elena Prekprek.  With an "R" ha.

Student:  Tawanan ulit. 

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Tatay:  Anak kumusta ang exam mo? Anong score mo?

Anak: Zero po Tatay.

Tatay: Ok lang iyan anak.  Pasensiya ka na, iyong kabobohan mo nakuha mo sa akin.

Anak:  Ok lang iyan Tatay.  Buti na lang hindi ko nakuha ang kapangitan mo!

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Patulong sa sagot alam kong kayang kaya nyo ito: 😜😜😜

Leakage-  questions in the latest UPCAT. Kindly read thoroughly and figure out the correct answers.

[1] Kung ikaw na si Batman, sino ang bahala sa yo? Give three examples.

[2] Sino ang kumagat sa logo ng Apple, at bakit hindi niya ito inubos?

[3] Kung may UPCAT, bakit walang UPDOG? Elaborate.

[4] Sa produktong Crayola, ano ang pinagkaiba ng yellow green sa green yellow? Explain using logarithmic functions.

[5] Kung ang 1 kg ay may 1000 g, ilang grams naman ang meron sa Instagram? Show your solution.

[6] Kung sa Kasaysayan ng Pilipinas may “”Panahon ng Amerikano, Hapon, Kastila at Pre-Colonial”, kailan naman matatagpuan ang Panahon ng Kopong-kopong? Ilahad ang mga mahalagang pangyayari at magpakita ng archaeological evidences.

[7] If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, bakit sila nagpunta sa Earth?

[8] Should you give up or should you just keep chasing pavements? Expound.

[9] Ano ang meron kay Brand X at galit na galit ang ibang brand sa kanya? Explain.

[10] Masasabi mo bang fair ang Ms. Universe kung lahat ng contestants at judges ay galing sa Earth? Explain.

[11] Kung walang kamay ang mga ibon, then why do birds suddenly APIR? Ipaliwanag.

[12] Sabi ng iba, napuntahan niya na lahat ng sulok ng mundo. Paano mo masasabi na may “sulok” ang mundo kung Oblate Spheroid naman ang hugis nito? Explain and draw your answer on a 1/4 sheet of graphing paper.

[13] May nalunod na ba sa lalim ng gabi? Kung meron, enumerate.

[14] Bakit ang tawag sa building building kung tapos na siya? Justify.

[15] Is this the real life? Or is this just fantasy? EXPLAIN.

[16] Gaano kadalas ang minsan? Enumerate.

[17] How did Adele set fire to the rain? Write the chemical formula.

[18] Kapag ang ipis nahulog sa tubig na may sabon, dudumi ba ang tubig o lilinis ang ipis?

[19]Bakit pababa nang pababa ang ispaghetti? Explicate using Newton’s Law of Gravitation.

[20] Does the moonlight shine on Paris after the sun goes down?

[21] Kung ang nakatusok na baboy ay barbeque, ang nakatusok na saging ay bananacue, bakit ang kabayo, carousel?

[22] Ilan ang butas sa isang cracker ng skyflakes? Illustrate.

[23] Bakit pag rush hour tsaka mabagal ang daloy ng traffic? Explain your answer using sign language.

[24] Nasaan ang Edge of Glory? Write your final answer in nautical miles.

[25] Ang breakfast ba at dinner, pwedeng ilagay sa lunchbox? Prove your answer."


Monday, August 5, 2019

Tawanan Muna Tayo: Joke, Joke, Jokes

I got these jokes from various sources, either I overheard them from colleagues or have watched them on TVs and social media.  I will update this post every now and then.  Please make a comment or suggestion to improve this page.  My jokes are for intelligent people only.  If hindi ka natawa, alam na!

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Situwasyon sa Bahay
Nanay: Anak, ibili mo nga ako ng sibuyas at miswa diyan sa tindahan.
Anak: (Nagkakamot habang nag-e-ML sa CP) Nanay, gabi na po natatakot po akong lumabas.
Nanay: (Naasar pero nagtimpi pa) Anak, huwag kang mag-alala, 'di ba lagi mo namang kasama ang guardian angel mo.  Dalawa kayong bibili.
Anak: Naku Nanay! Iyong guardian angel ko na lang ang utusan mo.  Idadamay mo pa ako e.
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Hugot
Tanong:  Ano ang pagkakaiba ng red sa maroon?
Sagot:  Kapag red ay pula.  Kapag maroon ka ng iba ako'y mangangamba.
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A Filipino applies for a Job at Wal-Mart. An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified.

An American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino.

He decided to call the
four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" Acknowledging Dave, the American on his right, the man replied, " A THOUGHT". It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian. "Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very
popular cliche for speed."

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. “Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the
interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring da 3 frevyos ansers sirrr, et's obyus to me dat de pusstest ting known is Diarrhea."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"O I can expleyn serrr ." said Eleuterio "YOU SEE SERR, De odder day I wasn't peeeling bery good and I run soooo pusst to de battrroom, BUT bepore I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON DE LIGHT, I alrrreddy had de sheets in my panhts. Aysos nako!" Tumae na pala...

Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart. (CTTO, taken from FB) 
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Scene: In an interview:
Interviewer:  Are you a leader or are you a ruler?
Applicant:  I am a leader, madam.
Interviewer: Why?
Applicant: A ruler must have 12 inches, I have only 8.  So I am a leader.
Interviewer:  You are hired!
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Bata1: May kulay pala ang utot.
Bata2: Talaga?
Bata1: Oo, ano ang kulay ng utot?
Bata2: Ano?
Bata1: Pink
Bata2: Bakit?
Bata1: (Isang mahaba at mahinang tunog) Ppppppiiiiinnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
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Bata1: May kulay pala ang utot.
Bata2: Talaga?
Bata1: Oo, ano ang kulay ng utot?
Bata2: Ano?
Bata1: Black.
Bata2: Bakit?
Bata1: (Biglang utot na malakas at may sumamang laman) BLACK!!!
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Bata1: May kulay pala ang utot.
Bata2: Talaga?
Bata1: Oo, ano ang kulay ng utot?
Bata2: Ano?
Bata1: Blue.
Bata2: Bakit?
Bata1: (Habang nasa swimming pool at napautot kasama ang mga bula) Blue.Blue.Blue.
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Which came first, the coins or the bills?  Why?
Answer:  Coins
Reason:  Coin purse (coin first)
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Anong gulay ang masakit sa puso?  Ano?
Answer: Ampalaya-in ka
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Scene - Teachers and pupils will sing the Philippine National Anthem
Teacher:  Oo mga bata, tayo na tayo at aawit na ng Lupang Hinirang.  Medi - cine (Ready, sing).
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