When I’m Not Myself

To My Daughter, Betty — I’m Sorry

Last Sunday, March 29, 2014, was meant to be a day of celebration.

My daughter, Betty, had just graduated from elementary school and made it to the Top 10 of her class. We were all set to gather at Amis Restaurant in Quiapo, with her grandparents joining us for a simple family celebration. Everything was prepared — food, guests, and excitement.

Since it was her special day, my wife lovingly reminded Betty to dress up for the occasion. And she did — she looked beautiful. But just before we were about to leave, Betty decided to change her outfit. I told her she already looked wonderful and that there was no need to change again. My wife agreed.

What happened next caught me off guard. Betty responded with harsh words — “This is my life!” — and refused to listen. It broke my heart and frustrated me deeply. As a father, I wanted her to understand the value of listening and showing respect, especially on such an important day.

When the arguing escalated between her and my wife, I stepped in. I told Betty to stop, to calm down, and to wear the dress she had originally chosen. But she kept on talking back. And I lost control.

I let my anger get the best of me.

I hit her. First with a stick, then with a hanger. I kept going even when she cried and asked me to stop. I don’t even remember how long it lasted — only that I saw bruises on her arms and legs afterward. And I saw pain in her eyes that I will never forget.

We still went to the restaurant. We sat down as a family. But Betty sat there crying, trying to eat through tears, while I sat there pretending things were normal — but nothing was normal after that.

I am writing this because I want to say this clearly:

I am sorry, Betty. I am truly, deeply sorry.

There’s no excuse for what I did. You were a child — my child — and I should have protected you, not hurt you. I let anger win. I let pride win. I acted out of frustration, not love. And that is not the kind of father I ever wanted to be.

You deserved joy on your graduation day. You deserved to feel proud and safe. Instead, I left you hurt and afraid — and I will carry that guilt for the rest of my life.

I’m sorry I didn’t stop when you asked me to. I’m sorry I used my hands and not my words. I’m sorry I made you feel that fear — especially from someone who is supposed to be your protector.

To other parents reading this:

This is my confession and my warning. No matter how right you think you are, or how disrespectful a child may seem — violence is never the answer. You don’t teach respect through fear. You teach it through patience, consistency, and love.

To my daughter:

I can’t undo the past. But I promise you, I will spend the rest of my life being better, doing better, and proving that my love for you is stronger than my anger ever was.

Attended the 2nd JAAP General Assembly

I had the opportunity to attend the 2nd JICA Alumni Association of the Philippines (JAAP) General Assembly at the Asia and the Pacific College in Makati City, Philippines. The event was, of course, for the Filipino scholars sent by the Philippine government to Japan to study or to be trained on their respective fields. I, for example, an employee from the Department of Education, was trained in 2007 to 2008 on the "Application of Multimedia Technology for e-Education" in Okinawa, Japan which also happened to be my first trip outside the Philippines.

The event was well-attended by talented government scholars (TPYL, JDS, and TESDA Group Training Course) from targeted institutions. Likewise, I was so lucky to participate in the board of directors election process. During the event, I was able to mingle with the Department of Agrarian Reform (DAR) participants esp. with a lady candidate who approached me to include her name in my list of candidates to be elected. I later watched her presentation about her struggles in Japan as a trainee. I was able to see my kids pediatrician from Tanza, Navotas whom I didn't know was a JICA grantee too. I also found a friend whom I meet at the JICA, Makati office a couple of weeks ago. What made my day interesting was the fact that I saw and talked to someone from DAR who also went to Okinawa, the year I was there. I felt very happy during that moment.

Things were going well before the President's report and all were in their jolly mood but not until the items for amendments were read. A long and heated debates ensued. There was a motion to retain the 15 board of directors (BODs) instead of having only 10 BODs, other suggested to have 11 BODs so that a tie would be break. I was so impressed with the way things were going, I felt I was watching a parliamentary procedure. Other issues were raised but those were settled as some lawyers and scholars intervened. BTW, in between the discussion raffle(s) were being held.

During the election proper, I finally recognized (upon reading their profiles posted on the wall) that candidates came from different parts of the country and to my disbelief they were not just ordinary employees or mid-career professionals bur rather lawyers, local government officials, etc. Wasn't that amazing? Simultaneous to the election a sumptuous dinner was served. A video presentation on Japan's tsunami tragedy was shown the same time the votes were counted.

It was getting late and I felt that I would not know the elected BODs so I planned to leave the hall but as luck would have it my name was called as one of the winners of the raffle - a wall clock, so my departure was deferred for about 30 minutes. Nice.

I would like to thank JICA officials, the organizers, and my fellow government servants for an opportunity to be with you during the 2nd JAAP General Assembly. I wish to see you again soon! Dozo yurishiko onigaishimasu.

Gained a Seat to the Finals of Table Games Tournament

I am so lucky today. I went home very early since I was late for office this morning. Since I knew it would be traffic I took the road less traveled. Nah, it was just a figure of speech. Well, since I was not in a hurry and time was on my side I went to Sta. Cruz through FX via Pasig - Quiapo route, my usual day was MRT-LRT-Binondo way.

At Ronquillo, near Sta. Cruz church, I was invited by a supervisor from Casino Filipino to join their Super 6 Table Games tournament. To those who were not aware of what Super 6 meant, it was similar to a baccarat game (Lucky 9). Since I was familiar with the game and have been playing since I was young I acceded to her request. After the registration, I was introduced to other participants and was told that the tournament would be held at Manila Grand Opera near D. Jose St., Sta. Cruz, Manila.

I was at the venue at exactly 6:30 p.m. and for the first time, I saw a humongous venue for players eh... gamblers on the 2nd floor of the hotel. After getting accustomed to the place I carefully watched the VIP players as they pushed their Skyflakes-like chips worth P10,000.00 bets.

Now back to the topic, I was assigned seat number 6 and as a start, I was given 10K chips (all of the 8 players have the same chips too). It was my first time joining this kind of tournament and I was very nervous. I lost the first four bets I made and I was shattered. While other players were gaining more chips I have been losing mine. On the 5th deal of cards I saw that solid colored sign (is that the big eye?) has been creeping so I put a 2.5K bet on that and I won. Additional 4 bets through that solid thing and I recovered my chips, however, the guy on my right probably saw that solid thing too as he won numerous betting chips.

One by one, players have been ousted because they lost their chips and the good thing was I'm still alive. I counted the players and we are just 5, then down to 4. I could land to the top 3 with very careful plays. Down to the last 3 hidden bets, and I put 2.5K in the banker and the rest put theirs to the players, and know what? I was the only winner and that increased my chances to land in 2nd place! I was able to win the last 2 bets and just won the 2nd prize! Wow.

To conclude this story, I won a 45K pre-bet coupon but didn't convert it all to cash. I went home with an additional P20K in my pocket. Lucky me, I also qualified to the National Table Games Tournament on December 5, 2015. Yeeheey!

Time Runs Out, Lights Go Out

Tick tock tick tock
Time runs out
The lights go out
Tick tock tick tock

The deadline for a Nuffic funding at Maastricht School of Management is fast approaching, I wish God will grant me an opportunity for international education. Bless me, Lord!